I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
