I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
