You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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