Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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