Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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