she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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