1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
