Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
