do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am one with the molecules
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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