sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
