the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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