And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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