are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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