I accidentally burped into my bong.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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