Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
