You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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