I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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