you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
