chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
