The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
