i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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