i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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