He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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