I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
