There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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