i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
