I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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