I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
