dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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