Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
