My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
