im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
