DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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