Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize