yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
