were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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