my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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