he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
