Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
