I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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