All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
id be glad to
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
