I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
