I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
