like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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