come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
