A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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