These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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