She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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