# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
