im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
