who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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