just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
