Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
