Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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