Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
