we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
