We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
