part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
