nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
