my phone needs a breathalizer
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
