the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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