So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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