im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
