I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
